Why do some people who seem to have everything still live miserable lives?

In this section, I would like to explore how to cultivate a truly miserable existence. Through observation & reading of various books, I have identified the three most prominent pathways to achieving total misery.

1. Lack of Purpose
2. Lack of Faith
3. Lack of Discipline

Lack of Purpose

I have witnessed this countless times: retired customers at all-you-can-eat buffets consuming excessive amounts of food while treating the restaurant staff with rudeness, seemingly projecting their isolation onto the servers.

Individuals whose needs are fully met and who, possessing abundant resources, no longer feel any drive to achieve more.

Drawing inspiration from Mark Manson’s bestselling book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*, the author reminds us that our time on Earth is limited—and so is our supply of “fcks” to give.

That is why people who live miserable lives with no higher purpose always give a “f*ck”. The small things, the medium sized, the extra-tiny, or the big ones. Miserable people will always find time to include themselves and give a flying f*ck.

As I sit down to write this, I realize I’ve always wanted to be an author, which means every single one of my “f*cks” is strictly reserved for that goal. I simply don’t have the bandwidth to worry about the tone of some random stranger who lost their mind at a traffic light, or the passive-aggressive glare of that person from the pickleball tournament the other day.

People might mistake my calm indifference to insults and backhanded compliments for ignorance, but I simply choose not to waste my energy on such nonsense, reserving my limited energy for things that actually matter, such as my relationship with God, my family, my job, my ministry, and charity.

I choose to turn a blind eye to gossip and the opinions of others, anchoring my life instead in the moral teachings of the Bible & Christianity. Because I strive to live with pure intentions and a good heart, I refuse to let worry consume me. Even when negativity surrounds me, I am grounded by my community—a trusted circle of fellow believers who know my character, hold me accountable, and speak truth and criticism to my face. People in my tribe who is willing to provide rude awakenings.

Misery Loves Company

Miserable people loves company, so be careful of the people who you let in your foxhole.

People who lack a real sense of purpose often look for approval through fake achievements. Whether they boost their egos by putting others down or start drama to hurt people, these actions only temporarily hide their inner emptiness. It is just a way to take out their own bitterness on the people around them.

Assume ignorance before malice

The quote above shows how to achieve peace, yet for miserable people, it’s the opposite. It is the principle of Hanlon’s Razor.

Miserable individuals often default to assuming malice instead of ignorance, largely because they lack meaningful pursuits to occupy their time.

They prefer taking out their frustrations on grocery store cashiers over rejected expired coupons rather than facing the alternative: returning to an empty home where being alone with their own negative thoughts is unbearable.

For miserable people, its rarely a misunderstanding and almost always malice; they overanalyze every glance and dissect the tone of a simple compliment, convinced of hidden sarcasm. Misery is a self-imposed prison where a person believes the entire world is conspiring against them. Consequently, they inflict drama and pain preemptively, desperately seeking to elevate themselves before others can tear them down.

Often, miserable people insert themselves into fights they are not actually involved in, believing they hold the moral high ground and are doing a good thing. In reality, they are doing the exact opposite, merely stirring the pot and adding fuel to the fire.

It is an illness of a bloated ego. For example, if a person ignored me and turned their back on me while I was trying to approach them, I would just assume that the person is not in the mood or is too preoccupied to have a conversation. It is nothing against me, and even if it is, who gives a sh*t? Why would I spend my time contemplating the interaction? Is that person God? Am I egoistic enough to think that another person would actually spend their time caring about what I do and the intentions behind it?

Misery will drain our emotional reserves, leaving us looking weathered and filled with anxiety, all over trivial, nonsensical matters that simply aren’t worth the trouble.

Instead, look for a higher purpose, something greater than yourself and your ego. I have known people who dedicated their lives to sharing the gospel and making disciples. In their pursuit, they experienced hunger, poverty, and even persecution, yet to their final days, they never regretted how they spent their lives. Indeed, they remain the happiest people I have ever encountered.

I am not saying that you should go forth and evangelize people out of nowhere. I am merely saying that those people found such value and meaning in their mission that it was worth spending their time and effort on.

Spend your limited “f*cks” wisely.

A potential counterargument: What if other people actually have ill intent towards me and will express it through words or actions?

Epictetus – It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

The answer aligns with the wisdom of Epictetus: it all depends on how you react. So what if someone insulted you? Do you react harshly or brood over every little jab people direct at you? If so, you are destined to live in misery.

Lack of Faith

 Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Lacking a higher purpose creates a miserable life by making a person spend their energy on trivial things. Furthermore, a lack of faith causes a person to lean on solely on their abilities and will to achieve a goal.

While the first part focused on finding a higher purpose, this second part looks at having faith in a higher power.

Just like what Kendrick Lamar said in his song “Alright”

But if God got us, then we gon’ be alright

It is such a short sentence but removes lots of anxiety and worry whenever I hear Kendrick Lamar’s song, “Alright”

I used to be someone who relied entirely on my own abilities.

Let’s say I want to learn how to play the guitar? I’ll read a book or watch videos about playing the guitar and just figure it out on my own. Having achieved a degree of success through this approach, relying entirely on my own skills, self-discipline, and intellect, I believed the credit belongs to me alone.

However, thinking this way is a double-edged sword. It only feels rewarding when you achieve success, yet in reality, nobody gets it right—or even remotely right—on their first couple of tries.

I have known many successful people, and it took them hundreds of attempts to realize a monumental dream. Therefore, when someone relies solely on their own abilities, puts in all the necessary work, and still falls short, the burden of blame falls entirely on them, just as the glory would have been theirs alone in victory.

Many people hesitate to deflect praise from their own successes to glorify God, fearing the loss of personal admiration. Yet, for those walking a path of faith, this humbling act is not only essential—it is transformative. It liberates you from the burden of ego and provides grace during inevitable mishaps and mistakes. And trust me, you and I will always stumble in this life; no one is exempt.

Liberty without faith

Without faith, you’ll fall to the trap of only believing what seems to be possible within your reach.

I spent a good portion of my life as an atheist, convinced I had finally found true freedom by shedding the biblical moral framework and believing that every ounce of my success was entirely my own doing.

I thought to myself, “Being an atheist is amazing! It’s so practical, and liberating! I know the difference between good and evil, why would I even need religion or believe in a higher power?” This was my mantra for years.

It reached a point where nothing was sacred.

When troubles in my life comes, I was more than confident in my abilities and intellect that I will figure out a solution. (“Hey, as long as I am not hurting anybody, am I right?”). Continuing to live this way was, at first, life-changing—especially for someone like me who grew up under the heavy influence of the church.

Ultimately, however, it became exhausting, as I had only myself to rely on through both hardship and good times. Yes, I have friends to lean on, but it is different with God. For with God, you can share all your deepest secrets, insecurities, and troubles in your heart with full confidence. That is not something you can always do with friends.

That is where misery creeps in, when life’s relentless hardships fall on a person’s shoulders. With no one to lean on and mistakenly believing that they must bear the crushing weight alone, relying solely on their own strength.

Peter 5:7: Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

I do believe that true liberation comes from letting go and letting God be the one to carry the weight.

You may be experiencing misery in your life because you are trying to carry the weight that wasn’t really meant for you to carry.

Liberty with Faith

Returning to my faith has proven to be even more liberating than my time as an atheist. It has freed me from the burdens of ego. Now, whenever I achieve something of great value, I recognize it not as my own doing, but as a profound blessing from God.

Embracing the faith that a higher power is watching over me, guiding me to the right path, suggesting where to go and providing my daily bread. That is true liberation.

Proverbs 3:5: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”

When I make a mistake, face rejection, or navigate difficult seasons, I remind myself that it is not my place to understand the ‘why.’ There is no need to decipher every hardship; rather, I simply need to have faith that my shepherd will guide me to greener pastures.

Just like when a shepherd knows that it is time to move their sheep toward greener pastures, they must travel through barren lands and dangerous terrain to get there.

And when I say shepherd, I mean God.

When a mistake happens often enough to be noticed, it means there is a lesson I am failing to learn.

I know my shepherd will make the necessary adjustments for me to learn, walk the right path, and be provided for. I no longer need to worry, for I have surrendered—and in that surrender lies true liberation.

Relying solely on your own willpower and abilities can be miserable especially in times of failure when self blame takes over. True liberation comes through faith—surrendering your worries with the comforting knowledge that God will provide. You simply need to remain faithful and do your part.

Lack of Discipline

I strongly believe that God needs disciplined people in His kingdom.

Zechariah 13:9: This third I will put into the fire;
    I will refine them like silver
    and test them like gold.
They will call on my name
    and I will answer them;
I will say, ‘They are my people,’
    and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’”

I have fond memories of my dad waking me up at 5:00 a.m. to get ready for school. My dad spent only three months out of the year with us since he works abroad. During those brief visits, however, my siblings and I sometimes resented him, as he insisted on getting us out of bed at the crack of dawn to tackle school prep and household chores.

Summers rarely involved trips to the beach for us, unlike most families. Instead, we spent those sun-drenched months in our garage, doing table tennis practice and grueling drills with a singular goal: securing a sports scholarship.

Thanks to my father, I was able to experience a year of private school through a sports scholarship. Unfortunately, I had to return home and enroll in a local public school because the scholarship didn’t cover all of my expenses. Even so, through hard work, a boy from a humble background like mine got to see what a private education was like, if only for a short time.

As children, my brother, my sister and I, couldn’t comprehend why our father made us worked so hard. To us, it was simply backbreaking labor—like when my brother and I were dragged up steep mountains not for fun, but to collect soil samples in search of gold. It is work. We spent our summer vacations toiling in our mine, a bitter contrast to the pictures of our high school friends relaxing at the beach that filled our social media feeds.

Now that I am in my thirties, I realize my dad was quietly preparing us for the realities of the world. Growing up in a poor household, we learned early on that everything we had must be earned. That is why, by age nineteen, I was already working as an all-around helper at a co-working space to support myself. I carried with me the enduring lessons of determination and earnest hard work that my father instilled in me, right up until now, as I work as a tech consultant.

Just like a LOVING father, God disciplines us because He is actively involved in our lives. Though this process may feel painful at first, the lessons we learn are invaluable and will guide us for the rest of our days.

It is a comforting thought that God is actively involved in our lives and that He will discipline us if need be.

This comes from a place of pure love, as a devoted parent always wants the absolute best for their children. Much like a shepherd who leads his flock to lush green pastures, discipline is essential for the sheep to follow closely and avoid dangerous distractions, ensuring they never lose their way.

Hebrews 12:11 – No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Modern Poisons

While mindlessly scrolling on my phone the other day, I came across a disturbing video of two young children unwrapping birthday gifts that turned out to be vape pens. They were eagerly testing the devices while their friends cheered and laughed, treating the poisonous habit as something to celebrate.

Society has accelerated the path to instant gratification.

Epictetus: “It is the nature of the wise to resist pleasures, but the foolish to be a slave to them.”

Pornography is just a tap away on our smartphones. Even the most cheapest devices can access millions of explicit videos in less than a second.

Nutritious whole foods often come with a hefty price tag, whereas processed junk food—with a nutritional value of a cardboard box—remains remarkably cheap.

Vapes now feature flavors that appeal to children, such as raspberry, gummy bears, Nerds candy, Yakult, and plenty more. It is trendy because it is cheap and the vapor smells sweet and pleasant compared to cigarettes.

It is far too normalized to lose hours to mindless social media scrolling, even though this habit is far from healthy.

I am not saying you should give up your coffee simply because caffeine is addictive. Rather, I am saying that this world actively seeks to make you its slave and will use every tool at its disposal to achieve that goal.

Reaching for your vape, or whatever your poison is, the moment you wake up is a glaring sign of enslavement to a modern poison. While I might occasionally smoke for social connection if the opportunity arises, the vice will never be allowed to live rent free in my head, constantly demanding its next fix.

Even food meant for sustenance had become poison to many. People found themselves unable to stop eating as sugary and indulgent options became readily available.

I know people who are so rich yet cannot discipline themselves to stop eating. Thus, the blessing of wealth has been poisoned into a curse. Instead of being used for good, their fortune now fuels their gluttony. They turn fat, unable to move freely and enjoy the capabilities of their body. Just going up the stairs had become a challenge that can put them to their deathbeds.

Lack of discipline is merely choosing the easy path in every moment. While discipline requires sacrifice and often brings discomfort, its rewards are absolute. Though the benefits may be invisible today, the fruits of discipline will inevitably mature for everyone—no one is exempt from their harvest.

Matthew 7:13–14: “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ¹⁴ But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Discipline is choosing to enter through the narrow gate. Let’s strive to choose the narrow gate every time even when it is hard.

These are three major ways you can ruin your life and live in misery. There are certainly other ways, but these are three things I observe that negatively affect the lives of not only the person experiencing the misery, but also the people around them.